Workout Confessions

Last Friday, I had a really good training and was really happy. After more than two months of getting my psoas and hamstrings stronger, I finally did what, some time ago, felt like an impossibility.   Working these muscles over the last couple months has been both emotionally and physically challenging. They have been asleep for a long time and have also stored a whole bunch of emotions (for more on how that happens see the amazing book The Body Keeps the Score). Feeling of helplessness was frequent as were tears.   But, mostly due to faith my coach had in me and the proces, I perservered.    Slowly, my muscles awakened, grew stronger and have been learning to work together. Increasingly, I was able to do exercises I wasn't able to do before, and for longer periods of time and more repetitions.    I had been craving a good workout for a while. The workouts have been intense but that feeling of physical satisfaction from strenous activity and sweating was mi...

We all know that dreaded scene from a movie when in school teams are chosen and there is one person no team wants. I wasn't that person. Still, working out in a gym brought out such strong feelings of inadequacy as though I have lived that scene every day of my childhood.   An incapable little girl who no one wants. When I am working out in a gym there aren't even people present. Yet, I imagined them all splashy, muscular, confident, in their element... you know? Whereas, my confidence ran away (quite confidently, I might add) somewhere far away and left me boiling in a stew of insecurity, doubt, and all those other non-confident feelings.    Of course, it's not at all unusual for people who are new at things to feel inadequate. That's one of the reasons people are afraid to start something new, to be the beginner again. I am not. I jump into opportunities to do something new like jumping into a field full of strawberries. With whipped cream.   But somewhere along th...

You know how some people simply put sneakers on and run? Or they get on a bike and simply bike? And they feel sore and sometimes sustain an injury, but they run, bike, swim, or whatever other sport they want to do, they do it? Not professionally, but they do it. I am not one of those people. And not for the lack of trying. I tried running and even though I had good shoes, ran on a good running surface, and started slow, my knees and hips were always in pain. I got a good bike and went for bike rides. I loved it. But later at home, I'd get backaches and headaches. Swimming slowly was great. Picking up the pace left me exhausted for days.    Naturally, one option might have been to start where I was and veeery slowly build from there. Duh? Well, yes, but... What for someone was a short run around the block, for me felt like I was like trying to run a marathon. And so I assumed that this was just how my body was i.e. not made for that kind of activity.    The other opti...

I have always been active, but I've never worked out for real. Yeah, there was that time of about six months in my late teens when I went to the gym and got some muscles. And sure, I took swimming lessons and did gymnastics as a kid. But I was never one of those kids who seemed to excel at sports and so never really considered becoming serious about them. Later on, I did crave movement and I kept my body moving daily through walking, hiking, swimming, biking, yoga, and later still through dance. I loved moving my body and learning about it through movement. And every once in a while I'd do some strength training through one online course or another.   Yet, I was in constant pain. Endless chiropractic adjustments, massages, and all kinds of other treatments seemed to be needed to keep my body going. Importantly, I lacked confidence in my body that comes from its strength that I never really had.    So, about nine months ago, at the young age of 47, I started working out. F...