Gyms Are Only for Cool People

We all know that dreaded scene from a movie when in school teams are chosen and there is one person no team wants. I wasn't that person. Still, working out in a gym brought out such strong feelings of inadequacy as though I have lived that scene every day of my childhood. 

An incapable little girl who no one wants.

When I am working out in a gym there aren't even people present. Yet, I imagined them all splashy, muscular, confident, in their element... you know? Whereas, my confidence ran away (quite confidently, I might add) somewhere far away and left me boiling in a stew of insecurity, doubt, and all those other non-confident feelings. 

 

Of course, it's not at all unusual for people who are new at things to feel inadequate. That's one of the reasons people are afraid to start something new, to be the beginner again. I am not. I jump into opportunities to do something new like jumping into a field full of strawberries. With whipped cream.

 

But somewhere along the lines I realize that the field, instead, is full of nettles and I would like to backtrack but I am already so deep in it that paddling out would cause the same amount of damage as going forth. So, I keep going. While. My. Skin. Burns.

 

I actually do feel inadequate. And it hurts. And I don't want it!

 

I am in the dressing room, changing into my workout clothes, thinking about the Cool Gym People. What do they talk about? What jokes do they make? What do they think? How do they feel? These Cool Gym People from my imagination are certainly a different species, one closely related to any gathering of sporty people, in any sport club, at any sport event or competition, one lightyears away from me.

 

Now, let me say this. I fully understand that this is an incorrect notion. That we are all human, each with our own set of doubts and insecurities. Whether we are starting to paint, write, play an instrument, sing, or do embroidery there is always someone who has done it before us, someone who has the skill and capability we want, someone we secretly want to be.

 

At least until we realize they have their own crap to deal with and we don't want their crap. We can barely handle ours.

 

But the notion persists. 

 

And so, what do I do?

 

As much as I have compassion for the little girl in me, I also know that I don't want to play victim. Oh, poor me. A little girl nobody wants. Bullshit. Right?

Look around, little girl. Is this story really true?

 

As it turns out, for her, it is very true.

 

So, no arguing there. Rather, I just have to keep working out, building confidence in the gym along with my muscles. And I bring her along and both give her space to feel how she feels and to show her that since I am in the gym, I am kind of a gym person too ;-)

And that there really is no such thing as the Cool Gym People (well, maybe, there are one or two ;-)). But mostly, there are just people.